The few times I’ve shared this part of my journey with close friends or family, there has always been this type of Disney-fication of my loss. The idea of a motherless child understandably elicits many emotions, yet trying on my “glass slipper” often leads to misconceptions of what this journey actually felt like for me.

Those I’ve shared my story with often think of all the wonderful experiences they’ve had with their own mothers, how great these women are or perhaps how loving. And then they envision their mothers and those memories being suddenly erased. I truly appreciate those who sympathize with the little girl I used to be and I do hope that my story may help others appreciate their mothers more yet having something and imagining losing it is very different from never remembering you had it and imagining it back.

As I created this piece I was aware that you, the viewer, could build a perspective on my loss that is very different from my own, a fantasy built around my fantasy.

And here we are looking at our own beautiful reflections.

The truth is that the games i played to bring my mother back were very boring and just as mundane and repetitive as brushing your teeth every morning.

If you had passed me on the playground, you would’ve thought that I was like any other kid engrossed in the fanciful trivialities of play.

I wanted to really highlight that in this image.

There is a reason why the blanket furthest away from me is so ornate and colorful. It’s meant to pull your eye away.

There is a reason why I’m looking back at you with a smile.

I’m no longer alone in playing this boring game.

You know that I’m actually playing by myself. We know she’ll never come back. But at least we’re together in this knowing, in our reflected fantasies.